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Dead Church Story A new pastor in Topeka, Kansas, USA, spent the first four days making personal visits to each of his prospective congregation inviting them to come to his inaugural services. The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon. Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the 'funeral' . In front of the pulpit they saw a closed coffin which was covered in flowers. After the priest had delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church. Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a 'dead church', all the people eagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each 'mourner' peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a guilty, sheepish look. In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror. Shaggy Dog Story A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, 'You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers, 'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl'. The man says, 'But I am not a New Yorker!' 'Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning, "Brave American saves life of little girl",' the policeman answers. 'But I am not an American!' says the man. 'Oh, what are you then?' 'The man says: - 'I am a Saudi!' The next day the newspapers say, 'Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.' Father O'Malley and the Clever BeggarsTwo beggars are sitting on a park bench in Ireland. One is holding a cross and the other a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money into the hat of the man with the cross. Soon, the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty. Father O'Malley, the priest, watches for a while and then approaches the men. He says to the man with the Star of David, 'Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions holding a Star of David.' The man turns to the one with the cross and says, 'Moishe, can you imagine, this goy is trying to tell us how to run our business?' Thank You for Your ContributionI would like to say thank you to Teresa Dycus for her contribution of "Shaggy Dog Story"and to Doris Turman for her contribution of "Father O'Malley and the Clever Beggars"Contributions If you have any clean Christian jokes, words of wisdom, etc. that you like to contribute send them to: WebMaster |